What ifs and should haves

November2019. There is the culture test that happens every month and we wait eagerly to know whether it's a positive or negative. I wait every month to see if any of the doses will be reduced or changed coz ughhh those pills! I throw up by the very sight of it. The very thought about it, is pukish.  The previous regimen had it worse, the one called ethinomide or so(the drug was later changed as I was intolerable to it) it was yellow and made me hate everything in yellow or a similar tint. There is another one in brown, now I hate chocolate, colour maroon and dark red. Then many of the white pills and yeah some coloured granules to gulp too. The treatment is hard on various levels and nothing's really colourful about what everyone call as healing. It's somehow finishing the regimen/course and being tb free coz that's the only option.

People undergoing traumitizing medication, handling its sideffects and keeping up with the medication despite all the mental, physical, other difficulties are not obliged in any way to give  eye-opening health study classes and 'did you know' facts about their health condition to anyone!!!  Even if they are vocal about their conditions on social media, they do not owe you their time or labour to enlighten you further on this in your personal chat logs. Unless they chose to detail it to you without any doubt or on a full on consent or when they are fully ready.  Why do you think I am somehow supposed to brief you about my illness!  The energy you take to pop up in my inbox and type "What is drug resistant tuberculosis , send a voice note", use the same energy and find the answers online on your own, find it on authentic websites where its made available, stop expecting us to serve you with the info to your privileged heads.  I am no educator nor I claim to have a...

I have a strong dislike and aversion for heavy rains, these days it rains here, it kills my whole system, makes me even more hidden, weak and physically painful to a level my body cannot take it. When I had injections everyday; it was worst, the needle poking pain in the whole body would last long, wont go away. The numbness and tingling sensation in the body stay, its a sideffect of the horrible meds. The intake of the pills is nauseating and intolerable especially  during rainy time. I cannot imagine someone taking these meds in an uncomfortable weather, harsh climate or any intolerable conditions, coz having taken these meds for long,  to me its an almost sure thing that in discomfort I vomit and reject the meds and there is this anxiety racing on wat if I vomit the meds , knowing no doses should be missed.   I cannot go near the meds, would touch it only when I had to put it in my mouth, would then rush to wash my hands repeatedly until the tinge and smell of the...

Messaging me 'You dont look sick', is not a compliment. Its infact  triggering to me as some of my relatives already pass comments like that showing disbelief about my illness. From the initial days of the pre xdr regimen i. e 2019, with increase in the duration of the medication, my fear also increased, we had tried to explain things to our relatives about how the regimen, sideffects affect physically, mentally and financially. My relatives and grandparents had always showed their very visible hatred to me and so the illness didnt do any good to the mess. With a lot of cries and breakdowns my gandparents were shifted to our aunt's place since I coudnt breathe or walk around in fear of infecting them. Cutting of these ties made me feel better in head. And some months passed now  and I am starting to walk around the house, starting to understand things and I look different now, I have gained weight, my skin is darker. So followed the problem, how come she has gained weight a...

https://coursesonline.theunion.org/theunion/2020/covid-19-outbreak/304100 Kunjan🐱😻 supporting me in trying to get the internet connection right. The webinar went great!!! Thanks for listening  !Find the recording at the site!💜

Drug- resistant Tuberculosis opens doors to issues like poverty, homlessness, caste class divisions, unemployment, education, stigma, discrimination and a lot more, recent reports show covid19 is all of this too, a lockdown like this is unaffordable and dangerous for the already struggling. Hope this gets over real soon. Thankyou Ramavarman T,  TNN, to note about how TB patients strive the traumitising medication and isolation amidst all this.

https://www.azhimukham.com/positivestories/hear-the-words-of-athira-elsa-john-who-lives-in-isolation-for-around-2-years-70522