ITS MY REMORSE NOT THAT I AM WEAK

By Athira Elssa Johnson -

If you ask me to select the best among my school teachers and college teachers, I would obviously select my college faculty ...if you ask me to choose the best among school management system or college management system, I would definitely select college system as the best...if u ask me to fill the gap of my favourite teacher, I would pen down the name of my college department head... And that’s my personal likes...I would say I am one among those fortunate students who have been lucky enough to taste the joy of education and learning...I am happy with the college ,I love my teachers.....But  this “YOU” is haunting me.....And so I am...............

Ashamed to be the part of this shameless crowd....And when I say that I do mean “shameless crowd”...But it’s just YOU and YOUR supporters in this shameless crowd...
Just stop calling me”Oye South Indian” when you know what my name is...just stop giving that upsetting stares to my friends who are foreigners so that they can stay comfortably...When you make senseless remarks like “South Indian movies saare fake hei”, just don’t simply use the word “saare” if you haven’t watched “saaare” movies! And when I pass by, stop commenting “ayyoooo,ammaaa....”in your stupid accent which you say is a South Indian slang..because we do use the word “amma” and if you don’t know the meaning of   it, that isn’t my fault...when you comment “your place “do remember that from a very young age we have been pledging “India is my country, all Indians are my brothers and sisters “.I doubt whether in your school it was “North India is my country ,all North Indians are my brothers and sisters”...you provoke me a lot that now I do feel the difference ....Yeah!!North and South are two different poles...for the very first time I made that statement to you “Stop commenting my people”...Hereby you made me a racist too... when you talk to my South African friend in Hindi and she didn’t get it, stop giving her that weird look as you don’t know a bit of her language too...And you call yourself a journalism student???...Do you think you will seriously understand the feelings and emotions of the people out there??? I doubt!!Because I don’t believe that being professional means being insensitive also....

 Once I heard you making this comment to your friend “Don’t marry a South Indian, you will get a kid in black and white combination”...you had quite a set of friends that time to applaud for this comment. Would you dare to say the same in front of a mixed crowd??? ’No’ you won’t!! Because you know anyone sensible will break your bones for such racial remarks... And that is why when you said this, your voice was feeble.

And then you asked me whether I have “gundas” at home...I don’t know what reply I should give for that...anyways I don’t question your right of being foolish...just have a glance at our Indian Map, you will see the Southern part with different states...like my south African friend said “these people out here thinks that all South Africans come from the same house”...She is absolutely right because I have come across  the same.., you see a South Indian pass by and you ask “you know him ???”When I say no...You are like “no way”.....My friend, it’s just not one state in South India...and for your information I am from Kerala, my mother tongue is Malayalam  ..... So stop asking me Tamil ,Telugu and Kannada doubts because I don’t know these languages..It’s the same way you go perplexed hearing Marathi, Bhojpuri  ,Haryanvi and other North Indian languages ...Why don’t you know these languages then???

...Do you  know how hard it is for me to crack your pronunciations...when you say ”warrrrrrrning” for warning, ”sacreeenshottt”  for screenshot ,I never laughed at you because I know how it feels deep inside when you are laughed at. And I wonder... when will you stop generalizing people?!!  You find me silent and calm doesn’t mean that every South Indian is calm...because I find you   eccentric and egoist but never said that the whole of Punjab is filled with eccentric people...and when you pull me down with these remarks I have this friend from our class who is also  from your place, who pats me and say ”it’s ok...don’t feel bad”...so how can I generalise...hence it’s your fault, just your fault...because I find good people also here...but what is saddening  is  ,they are sooo rare...and your followers are great in number....What wins here???Who won here???It’s you!!!!Because you made me a racist...I always wanted to say ‘MY CLASS, MY CLASSMATES’...but now it’s like ‘ME in YOUR CLASS, YOUR CLASSMATES with me’....it’s disheartening that I am here, one among this shameless crowd...and as I have pointed YOU and YOU everywhere I do mean that it’s “YOU “and only” YOU”, not the rest sensible people who value emotions..Not my lovable college teachers out here...Not the spectacular college I am in ...not my bright friends out here...I know that’s it’s too long a note and that’s because words flow when we pen down something that’s storming in  mind...


" I believe in the power of lived experiences and documenting stories . I try to survive amidst the stigma, hate and act against any means / system of oppression. Considers intersectionality as to be the most important in politics and elsewhere. Trying to learn, relearn and unlearn as a journalist. My beat is health and I pursue it with understanding of communities "

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