16th October 2018

Hi y'all
To all the angry messages, ppl who have cut me off, blocked from social sites or the ones waiting for my apologies for not keeping in touch. I have been wanting to write to all since oct 5th when my treatment started, have not been in my senses these days. I write this post as my doc said to not make my illness very public. The villain is back, this time freakishingly strong. I was diagnosed with Intestinal TB in 2015 which was cured. The  treatment resulted in some side effects like depression, visual disturbances and forgetfulness. This time the illness is back in the form of MDR-TB which is  Multi-drug-resistant tuberculosis. This killer disease comes with worse treatment side effects like hearing loss, memory issues, depression n so on. I have terrible mental imbalance, mood swings and pain from medicines and daily injections. For now i am not able to write, read and register things due to high medicine dosages. I understand that there is a lot stigma around tb, society have not been really kind to the unhealthy community, if you do a mini research on tb it is evident how adversely the illness and post treatment pace have affected the lives of tb survivors especially women. As a one time tb survivor and an mdr tb patient for  now i think its my responsibility to voice about the same and urge ppl to stop isolating discussions on tb. Instead; isolate the bacteria , spread tb awareness and erase off the stigma instead of grinning at tb patients.
I personally take this time for realisations, on how conveniently some ppl have created a state of total denial to issues like this. How the attitude of total ignorance is shown to everything that requires dialogue, discussions and solutions. You can't expect ppl to open up about their illness unless you create a favourable environment to do so. I clearly don't get it when I get shh..ed of every time when i try to open up about mdr tb. Intake of high dose medicines and daily injections makes my body shiver in pain, vomit everything i eat and forget certain instances and its only the 11th day of my treatment. People like us with such killer diseases go through a lot, every day is a battle and we expect ppl to understand. It takes a lot of struggle to hold my phone and write this down, not knowing when i will be back in senses hereafter.

P.S : I have cutoff all my relatives because i always hated them. Its definitely not tb, its  ME. i never really liked them grinning at me every time i confront a breakdown and offering me rosaries wen they clrly know i dont pray. And this note is here because i know they stalk my profile.
Pardon the spelling mistakes n errors in the passage. I am all high.

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