What ifs and should haves

I often get allured by the weather, caught in the moment and the least of my concern is copying their beauty into words I know once I do that, the moment"s something else, it's taken frm me forever I want me to long for nature, not enough any day.  I often close my eyes tight to think I push myself to think new words and imageries that may likely term my use of words poetic I look at the flowers, the trees, the scenes around To draw their essence right into words. They should be older than words, coz I can never describe things around with mere words. Well I could put  In words things as old as me may be Like my emotions, things in my head, it's only 23 like me Peolpe like that. They tell you if you cud explain wats going on with you,  they can help. So I decided to put my 23yr old experiences into  short essays  and explained it to them And they understood. They said, we are all struggling, I wasn't pleased much with that answer, coz if they did, they

There is this guy who urges me to write about him day and night He thinks I love to write and I am never tired of it Coz he knows why I write and why I don't He cannot accurately pick the genre, as there is none I just swiped away his text msg notification It said 'please write something for me' I want to tell him, I do not write I keep reminders to write, like this one And you mistake it for a poem Last day I had long walks with him in his dream he said So that's worth a poem he thinks Now I am conscious to write about this guy Coz he thinks I have beautiful things to write I want to tell him I only write reminders these days I forget about it and it becomes a poem, such a shame These days it's hard to even set reminders and Now I have paused opening his chat log I am afraid to tell him I do not write poems I want to tell him I write reminders these days Like this one.

I might know why you are sad I know why you think there's little time to act I know why you feel like you aren't working enough I am also aware that some days you curse yourself for resting too much You do not know what to write Though they say write what you feel, you do not know how you feel Another person told you its normal and you find it cliche You wish to film the best laughter, the ugly cries and some original stories Despite being equipped you think it's complex to handle Inspite knowing techniques you need closure from things you don't know. You miss people whom you haven't met You yearn to film stories not told yet. You wish to write, to voice, to scream To run, to travel, to laugh, to fall in loving arms, to cuddle, to love, to kiss I know why you feel this way, I guess you might be restless that you feel this way. But trust me, in this hustle, you feel human. And it matters. Love. It's okay to feel this way.

When you reach a point of going any far just to survive long Not for a vacation, not a celebration, not even a normal rest But just to sustain more, to live,  that's when memories spiral That's also when your head stay firm and realize how delicate every part of our body is Despite having many layers ;our skin tear, in spite of those membranes; we get heartaches This is when you realize how fragile human mind is, how we could breakdown with just a little too much pressure When it stops, it's gone. Then the person becomes invisible. The idea of presence doesn't occur here But hatred stays, insensitive it is, destructive it is That is when I want you to sow some seeds of love Without any frowns, too many hugs and smiles That is when ur presence is appreciated, Gone but remembered they say, not forgotten they say But their art excludes us, they own politics, they build the power Sensitive minds are laughed at, offending and violent  they create a new norma

They take and take n take Never gives. All the love, your ideas., your concepts, Leave you all stranded once we are drained out of all these They complain how less powerful, how  little spiritful we are We alter ourselves, get hopeful, enthused with promises With their assurances that they will stay But They leave Not all at once Slowly, that you start doubting that nothing ws enough No pats, encouragements were enough Now that we are drained out, even when we know they will leave We act like we don't care We pretend like we are okay We tell them we are okay to tackle it alone We tell them I got my back Knowing the cracks inside would have been mended better If at all they said" I got Your back, We got this"

Today, ask yourself since when you stopped embracing the invisibles Since wen u chose not to include them in your art, in your film, your canvas, your politics, your parties, your celebrations, everywhere Since when did you stop appreciating their presence Since when you chose to be simply pretentious so that hatred could sneak in You are all winning. Love isn't.  The structure blends with hatred pretending to be saviors Venomous but acting tolerant, just simply pretentious. Tomorrow when the sane ones unite, when real ones stand up, when original voices rise, love will sprout and the pretentious saviors of yesterday will be exposed, your poisonous propagators will be pushed to be hatred filled figures of the history,  you will be shrunken into numbers, they will not utter your name out of shame for you were hideous all this while, you pretended to save ppl, you promised them justice, you wished solidarity,. prefeclty zealed in lies, But!!! you all self centered, pseud